How Did I Get Here? 2023

As people do at the start of a new year, I am reflecting...….

2022 was the best year of my life, I can say that without any hesitation. As the final day of the year ticked away, I couldn't help but feel a little undeserving. I can't quite find the right way to explain what I am feeling other than say, I stumbled into perfection.

As I try to analyze the moves I made to get here, it's clear that one thing kept me balanced enough to stumble in the right direction. That one thing year after year was a 5'3, Blue-Eyed Goddess. Our first date felt as easy as breathing. Calmming and steady, she allowed a safe place to open up our hearts to each other. From before day one she was the goal. I needed to become a man immediately. Taking things slow was not in my nature and when that's what she needed, my little boy mind felt rejection. Unsure if she would ever be ready, I waited and worked on the man that wanted her. "Alicia or no one." is what I would tell my friends. A year almost to the day, I got Alicia, phew....

>> Fast forward we are living together; or as my mom would say to her friends, "we were combining assets." I was an electrician and the blue collar I was wearing was starting to chafe and my knees were starting to creak. My Blue-Eyed Goddess says in passing, "QUIT already, I want someone who can get on the ground and play with our kids." I'll cover your broke ass... (I may have paraphrased and projected that last part). Three months she did this. She put up with a LOT. All while taking me out, covering the bill and buying me my first camera. She sacrificed for our future, and I cannot thank her enough for that time.

Now with both our feet planted, our lives exploded as we explored the city together. We would spend most of our time finding intimate venues whether it was for a concert, coffee or bite to eat. Careers were coming along nicely, we formed an amazing group of friends, everything was evolving perfectly..... Naturally, we wanted to mess with that and in 2020 we did it.

We sat down and found the perfect

way to mix things up. We removed her birth control. Next time we have sex, we are going to have a baby on the way! Sadly, not the case. After a year of trying we started to get more and more concerned. We did a good job at keeping ourselves distracted though. Every time she would get her period, we would get a bottle and an ounce and forget our names for the weekend. Month after month we would try to stay positive for each other. We started tracking cycles, working out more often and stopped our coping methods. Even after all these changes we still weren't getting that double blue line. Test after test. Tears followed by more tears. Creeping up on two years now, the depression hit hard!

(If you look closely here, you can see our puffy eyes. She started her period on Thanksgiving of 2021. We cried in our room and then put on a mask for family pictures, we had a lot of practice at this point.)

February 2022, we stopped caring. We couldn't anymore and we told ourselves to stop thinking about it for a month. Lil did we know, Taysom was waiting for one more star to align before he wanted to show up. Not even a week after I received a big promotion, Alicia was late.

"I am going to get this over with", she stated already defeated.

I heard the toilet flush and I saw my Blue-Eyed Goddess come out as white as a ghost.

"I'm, pregnant...…"

We finally got the double blue lines!

October 2022 our baby boy was born. Happy, healthy and well worth the wait. He was the perfect way to end our year.

Getting to 2023 has truly felt like a blur but I am beaming in the life we have created. Together we have done so much. We made new friends, adopted a stress baby Pitbull, changed zip codes and now have started a family. As I reflect, I guess the answer to, "how did I get here?" is actually pretty simple. The answer is : HER. It still feels as easy as breathing.