Anxiety

A seemingly normal child, born to two dedicated, and loving parents. Raised in a rambler of a quiet suburb. He was a happy kid. He always seemed to have a skip in his step and a song stuck in his head.  He would run around the neighborhood causing mayhem until he heard the dinner bells ring, not a care in the world. He did not know that this innocence would be hard to keep if he began to care too much about what others thought.

He was strong for a long time, happy, still that innocent care free boy that hoped never to grow up. Then something he couldn’t quite explain began to creep in from the back of his mind. Insecurity. For a young boy the power came on strong. A clear vision came to him. It playing just like a movie behind his eyes. The movie started mid scene; the boy was being dragged and placed in a medieval stock, blind folded and stoned. What did he do? What could he do to change this outcome? He never could see the next scene. Never seeing who threw the rocks, or the faces behind the ridicule. The vision would come more and more frequent as he began to attend middle school. It was crippling, constantly comparing the voices in his vision to those of his peers. Could those whispers he couldn't quite make out be about him? If he thought hard enough it seemed he could shape those mumbles into insults.

In High school the boy began to understand that the vision was a gateway. A way to experience the worst possible situation. Life would try but it couldn't live up to the vision and began to fail repeatedly in attempts to compete. Thinking this way was not always his first instinct. Like all new skills this one was hard to master. He was not always able to look at the vision this way. Where was he to go for help? Girls and religion were recommended as motivators. Instead added pressure to the inner guilt he fed himself for every slip up. Why could he not control this vision? He suppressed these feelings, pretending that he had years of practice and was in no way crippled by this new overwhelming power.

"Take this once a day for four weeks, if it works you should be numb to this and be normal like us.... oh and that will be $50."

The boy has now started to be referred to as a man. He needs to attend classes and find his way to contribute in this society. That was not an easy task.

"Take these pills, feeling is counter productive."

Does he do what he is told or what he feels? He should do what a doctor says, right? His parents have always wanted what's best for him, these are the people he should trust, RIGHT? This is when confusion set in. Why does he feel so differently? Why does he feel the vision is here to teach him? 

Years later a man sits on his porch. Battle ridden and scared. Smiling at the life he has lived. A life filled of ups and downs. A life of struggle and doubt. What of the mans visions? I asked him the same question. He simply said,

"Life doesn't get easier, you just get stronger."